But it’s not just organizations that need solid leaders. The most powerful place from which to lead is actually your own life.

When’s the last time you felt fully in control of your life—on top of your to-do’s, aligned with your goals, fulfilled in every area of life that’s most important to you?

This question isn’t meant to make you feel bad; it’s not easy (and not necessarily realistic) for you to be firing on all cylinders at all times. But it is important to remember that YOU are the one in control. This is your life, and you are in charge of making sure that it runs smoothly according to your own standards.

If you find yourself wondering how to get your life together and/or think you may still have a bit of work to do—and we all do at one point or another—these tips will help you in becoming the leader and taking control of your own life.

“5 Ways to Confidently Regain Control & “Get Your Life Together”

1. Set goals & dream bigger.

All great leaders set goals. They identify the milestones they want to reach, then create specific, actionable goals that will help them get there. Whether you’re leading a major corporation or leading your (even more majorly important!) life, you need to look into the future and decide where you want to go—then figure out how you’ll get there.

Set goals for yourself, based on where you want to be in six months, a year, and five years from now. And while it’s important to set goals that are fairly realistic, I also encourage you to dream big! Don’t limit yourself by what you’ve accomplished in the past. Stretch yourself a little bit further, allowing room for your inevitable growth. I think you’ll be amazed at the goals you can reach with a little clarity and the right steps to take!

2. Feel the fear but be courageous.

All great leaders have courage. That doesn’t mean they aren’t afraid of things, however. No, being courageous means that they have learned to overcome their fear and take big risks anyway.

Courage is a valuable skill to develop in your own life, too. Become more aware of the things that scare you—do you want to quit your job and start your own business? Do you want to ask the cute girl at the coffee shop on a date? Do you want to end a relationship that has lived long past its expiration date?

Whatever it is that may be scaring you—if it needs to be done, I encourage you to shore up the courage and do it! Once again, this is your life; no one will do the hard stuff for you. Lead with courage.

3. Learn from your mistakes (& forgive yourself).

All great leaders learn from their mistakes—because, let’s be honest, nobody is perfect. Even the most well-respected leaders in the world have fumbled, misspoken, and made errors in judgment.

What separates the great leaders from every other imperfect human is how they learned from and addressed their mistakes. And that’s another important point to remember—in your hopefully long, expansive life, you will likely mess up. Over and over and over again.

But it’s not the mess that defines you—it’s how you clean it up. Don’t berate yourself for making a mistake; take a step back, learn the lesson, and fix the mistake.

4. Maintain a student mindset.

All great leaders keep learning. They know that they don’t know it all, that they can’t know it all. If you want to become the leader of your own life, you should know that too.

Continue to read books, attend workshops, and take classes. Surround yourself with people who teach you, challenge you, and make you grow. Seek out information on new topics and continue asking questions.

There is so much information to be learned in this world—so much more than we’re even consciously aware of in this moment! Stay curious and learn as much as you teach.

5. Recognize and honor who you are.

All great leaders have self-respect. They know themselves intimately—through regular practices of self-awareness and self-reflection—and they honor their innate goodness, despite life’s challenges.

In order to be a truly great leader in your own life, you have to remember who you are (and who we all are) at your core: You are love. That may sound cheesy to you, but it’s true. And the sooner you recognize and honor that, the sooner you will find full trust in your own skills, capabilities, decisions—the sooner you will become the true leader of your own life.

Dear TiLa,

I moved to a new city last fall with my boyfriend of 2.5 years and everything seemed to change. We slowly started to grow apart and I decided I wanted different things out of life. So just a couple of weeks ago (after about 5 months of us both being quite unhappy) I made the decision to end things.

While the initial conversation went really well, the next couple days were kind of crazy. He started snooping through my email and generally acting strange. I went on vacation for a week and came back to our apartment to  to find out he’d gone on five dates while I was gone. While I wasn’t angry I was quite taken aback by it. He said he was just trying to be honest with me.

We’re still living together and he’s supposed to move out by the first but he still hasn’t signed a lease or started packing. He’s still all kissy kissy with me and I don’t know what to do about it. A part of me just wants to keep the peace for now and roll with it; I know we will always be good friends and we’ll see each other fairly often. This is a phase we need to get through, right? But I just want to move on! What should I do?

xoxo,
Stressed in Hollywood

Hello,

Thank you for writing in.

Although the initial break-up went well, it seems he is struggling with change, and has taken a turn for the lazier! Perhaps he is looking to distract himself from reality. A reality that is full of loss. He just lost his girlfriend, his apartment, and the life he created for himself with you in Los Angeles.

Instead of actively dealing with this change he is distracting himself by dating, ignoring a looming apartment search, and disrespecting your physical and emotional boundaries.

Boundaries for Moving on After a Breakup

He needs to move out.

It’s only natural that he will want to begin dating other women, but NOT while you are living together. Even IF he did sneak a date, you do not need to know about it. His “honesty” has gotten confused with kindness. It is not kind. It is cruel. It completely disregards and disrespects your past relationship and hopefully your amicable future one.

He needs to properly exit this relationship with you before he gets to have a new one with someone else.

What to do After a Breakup

I understand your natural instinct is to “keep the peace.” However, you can’t forget your own needs during this process.

Questions to Determine Heart-Centered Boundaries:

1. Have you considered that you are doing yourself a disservice?
2. Who are you being that you are a woman who is available to wishy washy boundaries?
3. While trying to give him the understanding and patience he needs, perhaps you’re ignoring what you need?
4. Speaking of—what do YOU need from him and the situation in order to end on a high note?

Carve out some quiet time to affirm what you really want, what is healthy for not just him, but BOTH of you during this breakup…and then schedule a new sit-down together.

Set respectful, clear boundaries and ask for what you want. Declare what you need.

We are women who are devoted to radiant living where we lead from our intuitive heart, know who we are, and live our lives congruent with that truth.

You know your truth.

The relationship is over. I’m not suggesting you are ruthless and throw his belongings out the window…but I am encouraging you to anchor into your heart’s truth, and lovingly-but-firmly hold those boundaries and guide yourself and him to respect them.

With Love,

TiLa

Over the last 6 days, you have prepped the energetic field in your home for love by:

• Daydreaming about dining with your future partner—and buying food to prepare for it!
• Cleaning your bathroom and making it a lovely space for two to share.
• Adding life to your office by decorating with plants.
• Cleaning out your closets and leaving space for your partner.
• Adding a reverent relationship altar to your living room.
• And buying new bed linens that make you feel comfortable and sexy—just like your future soulmate will!

Want a few more ideas?

• Try taking off your shoes, acknowledging the sacred space you’re entering into, and grounding yourself for a few seconds every time you walk through the front door.
• Write down your favorite positive affirmations and invitations and post them on notes found around your home.
• Keep your rooms fresh with oxygen flowing: open windows, add air purifiers, and add more plants!

I have said it before and I will say it again: it’s important to remember that all of this work isn’t just about preparing a space for your future partner or creating an environment that they will like. If you look at the list above, the core of this work is about creating a space that you love and envisioning the life you’ll one day share there together.

You have to love the space first, set the intention to share it with a partner, and make room for them to join you. It starts with you—always. Then, you set the intention and take action.

It has been such a joy to be on this journey with you so far. I hope to continue to support you and help you find all the love that is yours!
Today’s Action Step: Make a list of five (or more!) ways that you can love and enjoy your new space even before your soulmate arrives.

• Maybe you host a monthly dinner with friends.
  
•  Perhaps you find a special corner to read on Sunday mornings.
  
•  Whatever you choose, remember that you can feel the love you want to feel in your home long before your soulmate joins you. It always starts with you.

That wraps up our 7 days of preparing your home for love…..

It has been such a joy to be on this journey with you so far. I hope to continue to support you and help you find all the love that is yours!

I hope you are!

This was one of my favorite exercises to do, and I love doing this work with my clients, too. Because all of the tweaks and changes and fun, little additions you’re making aren’t just about your future partner—they’re about creating a space that makes you feel good. A space that you want to share with your person.

Plus, when you feel good, you call in even more good. It’s just common sense to create a space that you feel connected to and that helps you manifest the abundance (in relationships, finances, health, and more) that you really desire.

Speaking of feeling really, really good, today we’re going to focus on the room where you should always feel your best: your most comfortable, your most relaxed, your most luxurious.

Your bedroom.

Your bedroom should be your sanctuary. Your safe space.

So, start by surrounding yourself with items that you love. Start by removing electronics—a television, your computer, perhaps even your phone (old-school alarm clock, anyone?).

You might also want to consider the first thing that you see when you open your eyes. Does it make you happy? Does it lift your spirits? Is it a positive reminder of what a joy it is to wake up and see another day?

Set yourself up for happiness and success in the room where you first open your eyes in the morning and last close them before you go to sleep. Make it your sacred space, whatever that means to you.

Today’s Action Step: Buy bed linens that make you feel luxurious, sexy, sensual, and comfortable. And treat that sacred space with respect by making your bed every day—and washing those wonderful sheets often!

Sleep tight tonight!

That’s the beauty of this work—it’s not just about calling a soulmate; it’s about creating a space that you love and that makes you feel love. It’s a win-win both right now and when you’re deep in love with your new partner!

Today we’re going to spend some time in your living room. This may be yours alone or it may be a space you share with family or roommates—either way, you have the opportunity to make it your own.

Much like every other room of your home, it helps to make space and respect the room by keeping it clean. Clear out anything that no longer needs to be there—the artwork that no longer suits your style, the toys that should be up in the kids’ rooms, the magazines that you’ve yet to throw away because you haven’t read through them (but you know you never will)? Clear it out and make space for the things that bring you joy.

But cleaning up the space doesn’t mean taking the life out of it. Try using the living room for exactly what its name intends: living. Invite friends or family over for game nights or to catch up on your favorite show (“This Is Us”, amiright?). Start a puzzle with your roommates or buy a new book and keep it next to your favorite armchair, so you remember to pick it up as you drink your tea in the morning.

Most of all, I am really excited for you to try today’s action tip. This is about making a conscious effort to invite love and harmonious relationship into your space, and about creating a part of your most “lived-in” room that is dedicated to love—in all the myriad ways you can feel it.

Today’s Action Step: Add a relationship altar to your living room!
In feng shui, this is the southwest corner of the room, but you can pick whichever space works best for you. It doesn’t have to be ostentatious or obvious either (unless, of course, you want it to be).

Place items that represent love—either generally or specifically to you—on your altar:

1. rose quartz stones,
2. flower petals,
3. candles, a photo of lovers embracing.

Make it unique to you and treat it with the reverence that you hold for your future partnership.

I would love to see a photo of your altar after you’ve set it up! Share your photos with me on Instagram – tag @TiLaVenture.

Sending you so much love!

We’re halfway through the 7 Ways to Prepare Your Home For New Love Challenge today, and I promise you it gets even more fun from here! Today you’re going to be cleaning out your closets—literally.

I know that may sound less like “fun” and more like “spring cleaning”, but it doesn’t have to be a chore! This is an opportunity to review all of your extra baggage (again, quite literally), and even clear out items that may keep you stuck in the past or are no longer serving you.

It’s time to make space for something new.

(Like, ahem, your future soulmate’s winter coat.)

There may be one or there may be many closets in your house. Schedule time to go through each of them individually. I find it easiest to pull everything out, sort through each item one at a time, and return what I’m sure I want to keep.

Focus on keeping only those things that spark joy within you. This is a helpful framework, especially for the work that we’re doing this week: You want to call in love, so why not keep only those things you love around you?

Today’s Action Step: Clean out your closets!

1. Get rid of anything from your past that doesn’t belong in your future, and make room (quite literally) for the love you want to invite in!
2. Leave some extra hangers available and make a little space in your dresser for your future partner to fill.

Of course, what you decide to keep and what you decide to trash (or donate!) is entirely up to you. Just go through this physical purging process much as you would an emotional one: try to stay clear on what you want to keep in your life and what you want to call in—and get rid of anything that should just stay in your past.

Happy cleaning

On Day 3 of the 7 Ways to Prepare Your Home For New Love Challenge, we’re stepping inside of your office. We’re going to pay close attention to the place where you likely spend most of your waking hours, and get the most work done.

And though love is often associated with the color red, today we’re going GREEN.

Whether or not you have your own home office, work from a corporate office, or simply work from a tiny desk in the corner of your room, the fact remains that a lot of offices can be a little . . . well, stuffy.

Whether your space is big or little, requires a commute or is steps from your bedroom door – and whether or not you like the way your office is decorated, this is often the one room that lacks the most life. Literally.

So today we’re gonna breathe some freshness back into it!

Today’s Action Step:
Add life back to your office by accessorizing with plants.
Bonus points if the plant has heart-shaped leaves!

Houseplants are valuable for so many reasons beyond their beauty: they purify the air, they brighten up a room, they increase oxygen flow, and they reportedly even lower stress levels. No small feat for a little pot of leaves!

Plus, plants need to be taken care of—they should be watered, nourished, and spruced up from time to time. Taking care of your little potted friends will give you a sense of accomplishment and care even on days where it feels like nothing else on your to-do list is getting done!

Breathe some living, loving air back into your workspace—and invite new life (such as that of a soulmate partner) by adding literal life to the room. Let’s go green together!

One of the things you’re going to find out over the next few days is that calling in the love of your of your life starts with loving yourself—and your home and your food and your . . . bathroom!

Yes, your bathroom—which is where we’re hanging out today.

Obviously, this is one of the more private spaces in your home. But eventually, you’ll be sharing it with someone (if you’re not already)—and hopefully it will be with the one person with whom you’re the most intimate.

So what can you do to call your partner into such a private space now? (And why would you want to?) We’ll dig into that in today’s tip!

Today’s Action Step: Start making your bathroom an inviting space!

• Keep it clean
• Add fresh towels
• Buy some flowers to put on the sink
• Clear out a drawer for him and allow him to LITERALLY have space!
• And stack a few favorite books or magazines to read. (Ones that you BOTH might be interested in)

Your bathroom doesn’t need to be boring or messy or covered in hair products just because most of your business in there is done behind closed doors. Be proud of this room and make it just as special of a place to inhabit as any other room of your home.

While you and your future partner may not share a lot of time there together at the same time, make it a space where you’ll both want to spend time regardless.

Tomorrow we’ll talk about doing work in the room where you get the most work done.

Until then . .

TiLa

How are you feeling? Were you able to start clearing out the clutter yesterday? Comment below and let me know of a few of things you cleared out to make space for your new love—and to kick off this challenge!

And speaking of this challenge, we’re getting started right away with one of the more delicious rooms in your home: the kitchen. For many, the kitchen is a room of creation, of nourishment, of relaxation and play. And it should be!

But have you been truly treating it as such? It’s easy to forget the joys of a kitchen when you’re often in it alone. You tend to use it for its utilitarian purpose only: to find food, to eat it, and to leave.

And perhaps you’ve been stocking it exactly as you felt you need to: with items for yourself, and perhaps for your kids or roommates, too. But what about your future partner?

• What will they want to eat?
• What meals will you cook and share together?
• Will you plan stay-at-home date nights over a home-cooked meal and a bottle of red?
• What can you eat now that would make you feel love?

Think about the experiences you want to share with your partner in the kitchen—and start preparing for them now! Gather the recipes, stock up on the food and drink you want to share, set aside date nights on the calendar . . . even if (for now) you spend that precious time catching up with yourself.

Today’s Action Step: Go grocery shopping for your future partner!
What do you have ready and waiting for them to eat? Begin daydreaming about the meal you will one day (soon!) make and share together.