Anxiety – TiLa Sparshu

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TiLa Sparshu — Fri, 15 Mar 2019 00:12:08 +0000

A piece of me died in 2018

TiLa Sparshu — Sat, 02 Feb 2019 04:15:14 +0000

2018 was a groundbreaking and messed up year.

Life was not easily falling into place… life was not in flow.

I was doing all of the “right things”: I was living life the way I “successfully” had in the past; applying a similar formula for success. But I still felt so uneasy… as if I was pushing against a brick wall.

Everything I accomplished seemed only to come as the result of a lot of hard work, time, and exhaustion. Anything I wanted to achieve only seemed to happen through struggle.

I executed a new marketing plan.
I switched up my workout regimen.
I drank even more green juices.
I bought a handful of new crystals.

And none of it worked for me.

I still went to bed exhausted and woke up exhausted.
There was still a lack of flow in my business.
Less people were visiting my website every month.
I was easily annoyed in my mommy-ing duties.
I had to see my therapist more often than usual.

How to Change Your Mindset When Life is Hard

In time, I came to understand (or perhaps, remember) that what was happening on the outside must be a result of misalignment on the inside. I had to stop trying to resolve my external chaos and confusion with more and more external methods.

An energetic shift was needed, and I was determined to make it happen.

For five months after that, I worked closely with master numerologist, astrologer, and tarot card reader. (And can I just say, dear ones — if you only understood a fraction of our connection to the stars, the planets, and the Universe, you would never feel alone again? You would wholly and completely remember — as I did — that you… we ARE the Universe.)

Finally, in November, I began to tap into my Akashic Records — through a former client of mine no less!

Akashic Records:

“The Akashic Records are the energetic records of all souls about their past lives, the present lives, and possible future lives. Each soul has its Akashic Records, like a series of books with each book representing one lifetime. The Hall (or Library) of the Akashic Records is where all souls’ Akashic Records are stored energetically. In other words, the information is stored in the Akashic field (also called zero point field). The Akashic Records, however, are not a dry compilation of events. They also contain our collective wisdom. The Akashic Records are a great resource, but it’s only a resource. How you utilize it in your life is up to you.”

I understand that the Akashic Records can be a very “woo-woo”, and unconventional concept for many people, so absorb what you can and simply put the rest to the side. (Or not. Both choices are ok.)

Through the Akashic Records, I connected with my guides. The guides exist in the non-physical plane and each person, each soul, comes to the planet with a team of spirit guides that watch over them like guardian angels. These guides are ascended masters, angels, archangels, saints, ancestors, and more. As such, they speak as a collective, addressing themselves as “we”.

When I speak with guide, the channel, she closes her eyes, clears her mind and then my team speaks using her voice and body to share messages of inspiration and growth. It is not scary or off putting at all! It is simply like speaking to a friend and it is very clear when they are talking to me and when Solera herself is speaking–there are clear differences in her tone, intentions and body language when the guides are teaching.

The more I connected with my guides, and the deeper I went into my spiritual studies and understanding, the more my life seemed to fall apart. The old was dying, so the new — something so much grander — could be born.

What Life Falling Apart is Teaching Me

Through it all, I was (and still am) learning:

How to recognize the purpose of life
Why we have problems and have to relate to them
Who is the self you think you are
The most peaceful, supportive and abundant perspective to hold daily
How to stop doing life the hard way & instead let life happen easily around you and for you
How to move through life with less resistance
The immense power of our thoughts and focus & how to command the mind’s energy
Where real and lasting joy comes from
How to manifest what I want while being aware of common manifesting mistakes
The nature of change, destruction, and “natural fire”
What it means to spiritually wake up
The true nature of goals, planning, & where the deeper sense of meaning we all crave comes from
The reality about money and the material world
The #1 formula to follow for maximal abundance, ease, and flow
How to change my mind

. . . just to name a few.

And I want to share it all with you.
It’s too much for today. But over time I will share all that is being taught to me in the hopes that all that no longer serves you will be taken away as well.

I pray that what I share will strip you of:

Fear
Misunderstanding
Misperception
Anxiety
Loneliness
Pressure to be more or less
Narrow-mindedness
Restriction
The need to prove yourself worthy

. . . and the myriad forms of pain and suffering that consume the majority of your thoughts, and therefore, your life.

I know this is different from how I’ve taught before; how I’ve lived before. How will you know if you can rely on and trust my words, suggestions and shared experiences?

You will know because it will resonate and make sense to you. You will hear an internal “yes.”

The truth is always very straightforward this way.

Until next time.
I love you so.

6 Ways To Mindfully Control Anxiety

TiLa Sparshu — Wed, 21 Dec 2016 15:14:49 +0000

Life is full and it moves fast.

No matter who you are, I’d venture to guess that statement is true for you.

Sometimes that fast-paced fullness can feel exhilarating — even fun! — but on a consistent basis, it feels more like stress. And that stress can cause some pretty intense and challenging emotions like anger, anxiety, fear, and loneliness just to name a few.

This consistent hum of background stress is a powerful force in our lives.

It affects your ability to move on and properly process your feelings—a process required to live through and let go of past and present disappointments in the healthiest, most peaceful way possible.

But there’s good news: While life will most likely always be fast-paced and full, it doesn’t have to be rough. You can naturally stop anxiety.

The key to transcending these overwhelming emotions is the key to most of life’s problems: mindfulness. Practicing mindfulness enables you to calm stress and soothe yourself.

In a state of mindfulness, you make space to step back, reflect, and thoughtfully respond — rather than spontaneously react — to the varying ups and downs of life.

Blending the science of psychology and the magic of spirituality, I’ve developed six steps to help you acknowledge, understand, and transform worrisome emotions in a mindful way.

By following the steps below, you’ll be able to more easily let go of what no longer serves you and move on to greater compassion, confidence and harmony.

6 Ideas for How to Stop Anxiety Mindfully

1. Accept Your Emotions

Emotions demand to be felt.

So many of us try to avoid negative or intense emotions by ignoring them, but the only way they’ll go away is by acknowledging and accepting that they’re there in the first place. Ignoring what wants to be seen will only cause it to bubble up and explode later, creating more intense emotions or even causing a complete emotional shutdown.

Extend yourself the same kindness you would to an overwhelmed friend, and sit with and accept your emotions. Here’s how you can do that:

To become more fully aware of the emotion you’re feeling, notice where it lives in your physical body. You might feel it as a stomach ache, shortness of breath, or muscle tension in your shoulders or back.

Just be with the emotion: Don’t ignore it and don’t push it away.

Studies show that when you sit mindfully with an emotion, it often passes within 90 seconds.

Remember that your difficult emotions are a signal; a teacher with an important message. They are trying to help you wake up to what is going on inside (and perhaps, outside) of you before a major crisis occurs.

This mindful acceptance will allow you to be with yourself and your emotions with greater self-understanding and compassion.

2. Name Your Emotions

After my son was born, I felt a deep and chronic sense of anxiety, overwhelm, and some resentment that my life was no longer my own. Eventually I had to acknowledge and label my emotions so that my life wouldn’t be run by them.

So I allowed myself to get into the habit of asking, for example: Am I feeling sad, Am I feeling ashamed, angry, resentful?

What’s important to remember is that although you are pinpointing your emotion,

YOU are not that emotion.

It’s the difference between — I am angry and I am FEELING angry.

One version is tied to your identity and the other …..a passing feeling.

So I would go within, name my emotion and then say: “I am feeling anxious and overwhelmed right now….and that’s ok…..and I am just going to allow myself to just be with it.”

Of course, all of my bad feelings didn’t just go away — and on some occasions, they were still quite painful and disruptive — but pinpointing and labeling my feelings allowed me to take some of the fear out of what I was experiencing.

3. Recognize the Impermanence of Your Emotions

When you’re in the middle of a tough season, it can be hard to remember that seasons come and go. And so too do difficult emotions.

When you can remember and recognize the impermanence of your emotions — that you won’t always feel this way forever — you will begin to experience them in a more fleeting manner, like clouds that pass by in the sky.

They are here for a little while and then they disappear.

Maintain that observer perspective and encourage the processing of those emotions with acts of loving kindness toward yourself.

Ask yourself:

“What is the kindest thing I can do for myself right now?”
“How can I nurture myself?”
“What do I need right now?”

Answering these questions (and following through on the insight) fosters deep connection with and compassion for yourself.

4. Investigate the Origin

Looking at and investigating the root of your negative emotions will help you gain critical insight into what you are experiencing.

Take a moment to dive deep and explore what happened to cause this negative emotion in the first place. Maybe you are feeling angry or unappreciated or disconnected from a co-worker, a friend, or a romantic partner. Dig deep and get to the root cause.

Ask yourself:

“What is causing me to feel this way?
Was it something I or someone else said, did or didn’t do?”

Refuse to just “push through” and slog it out.

Instead, take time to explore your emotions and create space for authentic answers.

5. Let Go of Control

Another important key to mindfully dealing with your difficult emotions is to let go of your need to over-control or immediately “fix” them.

“But I’ll feel sooo much better if they go away,” you might say.

“Why NOT get rid of them immediately?!”

Here’s the thing: You don’t need to expedite your way through negative emotions to also trust that you’re going to be OKAY.

Sure, it can be extremely uncomfortable to tolerate the anxiety of unresolved emotions,
but moving through (rather than avoiding) tough stuff also cultivates personal depth.

Therapist and author, Katherine Woodward Thomas, once said: “Living with the questions requires us to sit with the messiness of what it is to be human without the ability to tidy everything up immediately. Sometimes this is what it is like when one is seeking wisdom.”

When we try to micromanage our inner lives, we mess up the order of life.

Nature has an innate intelligence, so allow the wisdom of the Universe to do what it does best.

Do your best to be patient with your “messy” emotions. Open up to believing that all of life is supporting your ever constant transformation — and try to believe that maybe, just maybe, sitting with your pain will guide you toward priceless insight and greater happiness.

6. Meditate with a Mantra

Meditating with a mantra is an immediate, effective, and easy way to relieve stress, control anxiety and release pressure—-providing long-lasting calming effects that you can take with you into your day.

It has been clinically proven to boost your health (see here and here), your happiness (hereand here) and your productivity (see here).

Even a small practice of three minutes a day will create greater peace and satisfaction with your relationships, creativity, and career!

I would like to share a simple, but impactful guided meditation to help you.

Try This Guided Meditation for Anxiety

Primary Effect: Lessen feelings of anxiety or pain and improve feelings of calm, centeredness, satisfaction, and harmony.

Posture: Sit cross-legged with a straight spine.

Mudra (Hand Position): Place the tip of the index finger against the tip of the thumb; keep the rest of the fingers straight.

Movement: None.

Time: 3 minutes.

Instructions:

Set an alarm on your phone for three minutes, and repeat this mantra:

“Breathe in peace, love, forgiveness. Breathe out anything that no longer serves me.”

End with three extended inhales and exhales:

Inhale. Exhale.

Inhale. Stretch arms upward for 10 seconds lengthening the spine, and exhale.

* * *

Remember that being mindful about your emotions — becoming aware of them, acknowledging them, and meditating through them — is the only way to truly let go of them for good.

Have you tried the six steps I shared above? Tell me more about your experience in the comments below.

How Trying to Feel Better is Actually Making You Feel Worse

TiLa Sparshu — Tue, 20 Sep 2016 23:26:26 +0000

“I shouldn’t feel this way,” I silently told myself.

“I should really be more grateful. Look at all the stuff I have to be grateful for!
What’s wrong with me? Ok… ok… ok… what do I need to do to feel more grateful?”

THIS is the conversation loop that swirls through my head when I’m feeling a way I think I shouldn’t be feeling.

At first blush of a painful, inconvenient feeling should we not be stammering to:
a walk,
a call with a friend,
an uplifting podcast or Youtube video?

I certainly thought so.
But maybe aggressively trying to feel better is actually making us feel worse?!

Perhaps easily and quickly feeling our best lies on the other side of allowing ourselves to feel really bad without trying to immediately fix it.

When you’re crying do you want someone to say “please don’t cry”?!
No! What we want is to feel understood, accepted, and cared for… messy feelings included.

Yet, so often we reject our own upset feelings relating to them as inconvenient or childish. Children, however, are often wiser than adults and instinctively know how to go from feeling bad to good with great ease.

I thought I was doing a good job of not trying to fix or eliminate my painful feelings.
When I didn’t feel good I would actively say, “Be patient with yourself,” and “Be kinder to yourself.”

But, I’ve learned that when I ask myself to be patient when I am feeling frustrated it IS me trying to fix myself! Can you see this? It is me trying to fix myself by trying to be patient instead of acknowledging the feelings of frustration.
When we forget to begin the healing process with first acknowledging and embracing our uncomfortable feelings we actually perpetuate them.

Imagine a newborn baby. Let’s say this baby is crying and you want very much to console it. You probably wouldn’t pick that baby up, shake it, and say, “stop crying right now!” because you instinctively know that would further upset the child and perpetuate the crying.

You would gingerly pick up the baby, gently pat its back, and perhaps say, “It’s ok… I know you are upset and that’s alright. I’m here now and you’re safe with me.” As you do, the baby will slowly stop crying and calm down. Why? Because it feels comforted and understood.

You and I are like this baby. And when we are upset the quickest, healthiest way to feel better is to begin with acknowledging that we feel bad. AND that it is OK to feel bad in this moment.

3 Steps for When You’re Feeling Upset that Might Actually Help You Feel Better

I would like to lovingly suggest the following dialogue and steps to practice:

1. When you are upset, begin by telling yourself:
“Yes, I am upset right now.
Yes, I am very upset right now.
And I am so angry.”
And you just let yourself BE in it for awhile.

2. Then say, “This is where I am right now.”
And when you do… don’t say, “And I should be more patient.”

3. Just say:
“Here I am,
Here I am,
HERE. I. AM.”

Why do we say “Here I am?”
Because “I AM” is the whole of you.
Here, in the presence of God, in the presence of The Universe, here I am.

So by saying “Here I Am” you are surrendering yourself to the experience of just being exactly where you are and the gradual process of feeling better. But it is a process.

When the baby is crying do you think he is asking himself to try to be patient?! No, absolutely not. He or she is going to cry until they feel like they are done. And with time and comforting, the baby gets so tired of crying he will just naturally stop…. without YOU MAKING HIM.

So when you are thinking, “Oh, I am not being patient or nice to myself,” you are in direct conflict because there is a kind of internal judgement that says, “I am not patient and I should be more patient.”

But SHOULD you?

Maybe at the moment that’s just where you are.
So you SHOULDN’T.
Because you’re not patient.

So if you’re not patient you don’t need to say “I should be patient.”
Because at that moment you’re NOT patient.
So just leave it. When you let yourself just cry it’ll be over in five minutes because the emotion naturally passes.

So let time pass… just absorb what you are experiencing.
Don’t reject it by trying to feel anything other than what you are feeling.
And you too will come into the recognition that it is OK to be in that moment and everything is going to be more than OK.

I felt so sad when I wrote this post about feeling like I “have to have it all together.” I couldn’t help but start to cry. And cry and cry. It has been difficult facing the awareness that I believed I was alone in life and could only rely on myself.

I just sat there.
At the computer.
Tears running down my cheeks and slowly reciting…

Here I am.
Here I am.
HERE. I. AM.

The Key to Feeling Radically Confident Is Actually Kinda Surprising (And Simpler Than You Think)

TiLa Sparshu — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 23:18:49 +0000

There are days where I wake up feeling negative, overwhelmed, disappointed. Days where I am convinced that I have fallen short, am less than, not good enough—almost immediately upon opening my eyes!

It’s not that I don’t have anything to be grateful for, and it’s not that I don’t know how blessed I am. It’s just that I—like you, I imagine—forget that sometimes.

Why It’s so Hard to Feel like Enough

And while it’s not great; it is natural: Our brains have a natural negativity bias. Left to its own devices, our brain will always assume (and assure us) that the glass is half empty. It’s in our nature—our survivor nature is always asking: Do I have enough? Am I enough? Of course, that’s helpful for surviving, but not so helpful for thriving. That train of thinking keeps us within a scarcity consciousness—even when scarcity couldn’t be further from the truth.

Unfortunately, that’s just part of the problem. Another reason you (and I) may find ourselves feeling self-doubt is because we’re constantly being bombarded with information, with “evidence” of everything we don’t have and everything we can’t be.

Over and over, the external messaging seems to be:

You should be thinner.

You should be wealthier.

You should be further along.

You’re not quite enough yet.

That’s an extreme amount of pressure on the human psyche. With messaging like that, it’s easy to understand why you might also struggle to find daily fulfillment and self love. It gets even harder to gain confidence when:

Money is tight.

Work is a slog.

The kids won’t listen.

You feel overweight.

[Insert unfortunate circumstance here]

The internal (and sometimes external!) disapproval can be intense.

But I know that if you’re reading here, you already know that only love is real.

Not the self-doubt.

Not the frustration.

Not the fear.

You know that—but how do you feel it?

How do you get there when you’re–anxious, angry, overwhelmed and overtired?

How to Love Yourself & Gain Confidence

In an increasingly pressurized world—it’s never been more critical to our mental health and prosperity to have a daily mind training practice.

Just as you might go to the gym to train your physical muscles, you have to cultivate and show up for a daily mind training practice that sculpts and habituates a powerful, generous outlook on life.

Your life.

This is about actively participating in the creation of your reality.

Rather than letting the world decide for you.

You can choose to be hypnotized, by the negative voice in your head and the external, scarcity-minded messaging that something is wrong with you . . .

. . . or you can take your power back every day, and remind yourself that:

You are happy.

You are confident

All is well.

There are a lot of helpful mind training techniques—from meditating in complete silence to very interactive Kundalini practices. There are mantras, prayers, visualization, writing exercises, and more. And I am committed to showing you how to utilize all of these and more so that no matter what is going on in your life—no matter what people (past or present) or the world throws at you—the reality that you fiercely hold to will be:

I am happy.

I am confident.

All is well.

Deciding that you are going to be confidently happy and generous—no matter the external circumstances of your life—is a gift to humanity. Your daily mind training practice is a practice for all of us. Uplift yourself and others through a daily recognition of your own abundance, your radical confidence, and your radiant life.

I’d love to show you the way.

MEDITATION: The Prayer of Love

Primary Effect: Greater sense of grounding, confidence, self esteem, abundance and prosperity.

Posture: Sit cross-legged with a straight spine.

Mudra (hand position): Place the tip of the index finger to the tip of the thumb, the rest of the fingers straight.

Movement: No movement.

Mantra: The mantra is “I am bountiful, I am beautiful, I am bliss. I am. I am.”

Time: 3:00 minutes (set an alarm on your phone).

To Finish: Three inhales and exhales. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale again. Exhale. Inhale one last time. Inhale and stretch the arms upward for 10 seconds lengthening the spine and exhale.